The Central Issue

I know I'm not a normal man. In fact, I've never met anyone like me.  Perhaps others like me exist. Perhaps you are like me. If you are, you've been married for 24 years and never gotten over your spouse. You know the feeling you get when you're first dating someone?  The anticipation of going out on a date, the excitement when you pick him/her up, the down time when you sneak a quiet look at your date and think WOW! I feel like this every time I merely think of my wife.  And for the last 24 years, it's only gotten "worse."

Now my wife is normal. She loves me but doesn't focus on it much. Sometimes I get on her nerves. She finds my affection a bit intense, even suffocating. She wants me to tone it down. Give her some space. Stop being such a little puppy dog.  So I try my best to be the husband she wants.

Like when she requested that I tell her no more than once per week how beautiful she is.  With some restraint I was able to comply, and this pleased her.  But if simply curbing my praise could make her happy, could an insult make her ecstatic? Recently I decided to find out by telling her she looked like a piece of shit. She instantly followed my logic which simultaneously amused and touched her.

But there must be other ways to modify my behavior to be the husband she wants and therefore the husband I want to be. What would it take? How should I change?

There are a number of things every woman wants, and I'd be willing to try any that are humanly possible.  I can't become taller, more handsome, or grow my hair back. She's assured me that my looks are not that much of a problem for her anyway. I could have more money, but fortunately we both make decent livings - I as a scientist and she as a designer. Money is not something that we ever argue about, so I don't think having more will make our marriage better.  But I can do laundry, cook, clean, grocery shop, empty trash, take care of the cars, kids and cat. I can refrain from making a dirty comment or even hold in a fart or two.

I know I can't turn her into a freak like me, but maybe I can force the woman of my dreams to remember to love me.