There is really no way to win over your wife if you're annoyed with her. She'll sense it, and the two of you will soon start arguing. I find that this is why it's so important to set your frame of mind to prevent a cycle of resentment. Here's a nice illustration:
My wife makes herself oatmeal in the morning - not just any oatmeal. She makes the kind of steel-cut oatmeal that takes 45 minutes to cook on the stove and doubles as mortar for bricks. I mean this stuff is NASTY hard to scrape from the pot you cook it in. Because she's so busy, she often forgets or doesn't have time to clean the pot leaving the task for yours truly. I suspect that in many marriages, this might be a source of friction. In fact, I remember often asking her to clean her pot in a frustrated tone.
And then one day, I saw her dirty oatmeal pot in the sink, and started scrubbing. I was halfway through the task, and I noticed that I didn't feel the least bit annoyed at having to clean her pot. In fact, I was kind of enjoying it. How could this be? I finally realized why I took pleasure in this task. It was because it reminded me that I get to live with her. To this day, I happily jump on her oatmeal pot as soon as I see it and think about her as I clean.
In general, I find the "I get to live with her" mantra extremely useful anytime I do something for her - especially if it requires considerable effort. Of course this only works if you are excited about living with your wife. But then, if you're not, you probably wouldn't be trying to win her over now would you?
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